There Better Be Blood

I’m super tired, and in a super crappy mood. I haven’t blogged for the last few days because I feel like it would be one giant complaint. Want to know what’s bothering me? Here’s a short list:

1. Freaking leaf blowers. Dumbest invention ever. Seriously. A contraption that BLOWS LEAVES FROM ONE PLACE TO ANOTHER. Stupid. Besides blowing leaves from my yard into the street, they are the loudest freaking thing ever. And the gardeners always come right in the middle of Rose’s naps. And wake her up. I’ve officially renamed them the baby-wakers. They are so sucky. Oh, and my dog hates them too.

2. Sirens. Okay, I really do feel bad about this one. But seriously? They wake Rose up more than those damn leaf blowers. I am so over it. So, people, here’s what I have to say; there better be blood. If I find out it is some punk kid making phone calls, I will track that child down. I don’t know what I will do when I find him (cuz it would be a boy), but yeah… And, I officially don’t really care if someone is going a few miles about the speed limit in front of my house. Wait until they’ve passed. Then turn on your sirens.

That should help eliminate any drama.

Yep. My ‘drama’ is all over Facebook. It’s not even real drama.

You know what you guys? I’m going to stop complaining (for now). I feel like a bad person now. Sorry.


Things I Didn’t Know About Motherhood

When I found out I was pregnant, on July 4, 2011, I was, of course excited, but, I was also nervous. Being an anxious person, I was worried about everything; about feeding the baby, clothing the baby, changing the baby’s diaper… you know, all the normal stuff I should worry about. I expected some challenges. Honestly though? There wasn’t anything that I eventually couldn’t handle or get the hang of. There were, however, a few things I was surprised at about motherhood. Some of them were a big deal, and I wish somebody had informed me about them before I actually became  a mother. Others were just funny. Actually, most of them, in hindsight are funny… I guess. So, in no particular order, here are a few things that have surprised me about motherhood, from pregnancy to present day.

1. I can live off cereal and bagels for a month strait. During Rose’s first month, I lived on cinnamon raisin bagels with strawberry cream cheese, Lucky Charms, and Cheerios. I survived.

2. Breastfeeding doesn’t make ALL the weight you gained melt away. Ten months later, and I’m still fifteen pounds over my pre-pregnancy weight.

3. The postpartum hormones? REAL. So, so real. One second I was blissfully happy, and the next I was crying. I was lucky and this stopped after a week.

4. There is an hour everyday that I am pretty sure that I will not make it until my husband comes home. I’m not sure what I think is going to happen, because time does, in fact keep on going, but for an hour every afternoon, when the kitchen is dirty, the baby is getting into everything, and the dog just wants to go outside, I really feel like my world may come to an end. It never does. I may be a bit dramatic.

5. You actually can love a baby as much or more than your dog. Seriously, when I was pregnant I worried that I wouldn’t love my baby as much as my dog. I do. I spend too much energy worrying about that.

6. You can pee with a baby sitting in your lap. Fun fact; I do this at least once a day, just to avoid the whining that comes when I put her down.

7. The witching hour. Holy hell, there is an hour in the evening when EVERY BABY IN THE WORLD mutually decided they would make their mother’s life difficult. For us, this is right around 5:30 or 6:00. My solution? We take the dog for a walk. At least if we’re outside her screams are drowned out by other noises.

8. For the first month or so, I wanted to punch every person that told me that they slept sooooo well or had such a good nap. Word of advice folks; DO NOT TELL A MOTHER OF A NEWBORN ABOUT HOW MUCH SLEEP YOU ARE HAVING.

9. Related to #8: I also wanted to smack every person that told me that they didn’t get a good night sleep the night before. Because, really, there are very few people who are sleeping worse than the parents of a newborn. FACT. I would like to make an amendment to my advice above; NEVER, EVER TALK TO A MOTHER OF A NEWBORN ABOUT SLEEP. AT ALL. PERIOD. END OF STORY.

10. I needed my mom more than I ever thought possible. You think that you are going to be a ‘real grownup’ when you become a parent, and you will no longer need your mommy. False. Oh, so false.

Let’s leave it at ten, shall we? Honestly, I could go on for days but that would be boring for those of you without kids, terrifying for those of you expecting a baby, and a bit redundant if you’ve already lived through it all.

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Annoying Things People Do On Facebook

Lately, this blog has been lacking in, well, posts. Which, I know, kinda takes away the point of having a blog. As always, life has gotten in the way of writing, and that’s okay. I certainly have a lot I can write about. I have a lot I WANT to write about. What I want to write about takes more courage than I think I have at the moment, and I think I will leave it for another day. Today, I want to go back to a subject I kind of addressed in this post (actually, now that I’ve written it, it isn’t really related… oh, well). Except, instead of Pinterest, today I am annoyed with Facebook. Keep in mind, I adore Pinterest, and although apparently all the cool kids have moved onto Twitter, I still spend a good amount of my life wasting time on Facebook. Perhaps it is because of how much time I spend on Facebook that I have come to become insanely annoyed with certain people. So, although I know that this will irritate some of you, I also know we can all relate. And, even though these are things that drive me totally freaking bonkers, I have to say, I am guilty of nearly all of them, in some form or another. Here is a list of things that people do on Facebook that drive me CRAZY:

– The daily status updates in November that people post about how ‘thankful’ there are for things in their lives. “I am so thankful that I have a warm place to live.” or “I am so thankful for my husband. He is the most amazing man in the world.” Barf. Seriously. The first one? It just makes everyone feel kinda bad that they aren’t thankful, and, what if someone doesn’t have a warm place to live? Ouch. Way to brag about your way awesome life. You know, with your warm house and amazing husband.

-Related to number two above: why do people have to post about their spouses all the time? Why do they have to say what an amazing person they married TEN TIMES A DAY?? Obviously you think your spouse is amazing; isn’t that why you married him or her? And, seriously, do you really find your spouse that amazing ALL THE TIME? That sounds EXHAUSTING. Seriously, I want to strangle my (amazing) husband about twelve times a day. Perhaps these posts are to remind themselves NOT to commit domestic violence on the person they love. Yeah, that must be it. And, if not, can you PLEASE stop posting about your amazing spouse and relationship? It makes me feel like a bad person.

-The posts that claim that people are having “the worst day of their life.” Really? You have a ten page paper for the grad school that your parents are paying for, you got a flat tire and AAA took twenty minutes to get there, and then (the real doozie) Grey’s Anatomy was a RERUN????? Poor baby. Maybe it is because I literally had the worst day of my life a few weeks ago, but suddenly, I am just so sick of these complainers… And, yes, I realize I am basically sitting here, being a complainer. Deal with it.

-And, the absolute WORST: when people play out their entire relationships in their Facebook status updates. It is especially bad when you are Facebook friends with both parts of the couple. Here’s what happens: they start out like in #2: they love their significant other so sososossosossoso much. OMG. Disgusting. Barf. Then, apparently, they get to the part where they kind of want to strangle them, and the posts about how much they love each other aren’t doing the trick anymore. So… they get in an argument in real life, and then, somehow, they have the energy to play the whole thing out on Facebook. I imagine these folks argue with their phones in their hand; “You are so stupid. Don’t ever, ever talk to her again. I know you like her, okay? So, just stop.” Then, before the other can come back, she holds up her finger, and types; Beethoven is such an asshole. Hello?? Hasn’t anyone heard of NOT talking to their ex-girlfriend’s mother???  Then, the fight continues, with poor Beethoven trying to defend himself, both in person; “Babe, whatever, its not a big deal, please chill out.” And, in Facebook; GRRRR. Women. All I wanted was some chili. Ex gfs mom made me some.  Can I help it if she has nice legs? Then, of course, the best part are the comments; Oh, giiiiirl, I feel ya- put that man in his place. He has no idea how good he gots it. And, his friends: duuude. She was a MILF. I’d eat her chili any day. Tell that biotch to back it up. This argument is, of course, fictional (I hope), and it goes back and forth until all parties are so tired of the whole thing that they get off Facebook, go eat some chili, sleep, and then wake up, and the cycle starts again; I am sooooooo lucky. Beethoveen is the best man in the whole worldddddddddd. He went and got me breakfast (a loaf of bread and peanut  butter- YUM!!!!!) I just love him so much, and I am so THANKFUL that I married this amazingggggg man!!!

Alright, I’ve got to stop there. Rose is waking up from her nap, and I’ve probably annoyed each and every one of you. SWEET. Rest assured that there are many, many, many more things that annoy me about people on Facebook. These are just the things that have annoyed me in the last thirty-four minutes.