Happy almost weekend. I know some people think that stay-at-home moms’ lives are a constant weekend. False. We may absolutely adore what we do, and we do not get paid, but our lives are far from an extended weekend. I absolutely love spending everyday alone with Rose, but when the weekend comes around I cannot contain my excitement. Having my husband home from work for TWO WHOLE DAYS= BEST THING EVER. Seriously, I love spending my days with him and Rose. I love laying around the house, I love going to the store as a family (often the highlight of all of our weeks), I can run by myself, or take a nap when the baby is awake, and I love having another adult around the house. I’m not sure he loves it when I forget that he is, in fact, an adult, and I perform songs and dances that were meant for a ten month old, but he knew he was getting a whole lot of crazy when he married me. Also, I imagine that he could do without the constant Harry Potter references. For example; can’t afford airfare to California? Too bad we’re not wizards; we could use floo powder or apparate. (By the way, I asked my sister for floo powder for Christmas, and we had a three-hour text conversation about the shortage of floo powder and lack of apparation lessons at Hogwarts, due to the recent upheaval caused by Voldemort & Co.) I do things all week that would make the normal adult question my sanity- call my daughter cutie booty, sing songs about poo, dance along to my songs about poo- on the weekend, though, there is at least one adult to look at me like they think I should be committed to the asylum, and I can just hear them think; “what the what?” I’m not sure what the origin of the saying “what the what” is. I’m not even sure it makes sense, but I like thinking or saying it, so there. While other people are looking at me thinking “what the what,” here are a few things I’ve experienced lately that have made me say “what the what?’
1. Last night, I went to sleep at 10:30 (not unusual). Thirty minutes later, I hear cries on the baby monitor, which continue for fifteen minutes before I realize that Rose has no intention of going back to sleep without seeing me first. What the what? This never happens. She sleeps through the night, and if she does wake up, she always manages to coo herself back to sleep. With much cussing and protest, I roll my (extremely pissed off) self out of bed, grab my child out of bed, make sure she doesn’t have a fever, and pull her into bed with me to cuddle and calm down. Except she doesn’t. She had decided that it was time to play and party. She rolled around the bed, gave me kisses, pulled my hair, yanked on my chest, smacked my husband in the face, and looked around for “dog dog” (who, smart dog that she is peaced out the second that baby came into bed, and spent the next hour and a half in the hallway, only returning when the bed was a baby-free zone). I tried to put her down. Not having it. Tried to cuddle her. Nope. All she wanted to do was play. Finally, I nursed her, put her in her crib and let her cry it out, in desperate hopes that the would fall asleep in, oh, the next eight hours. And then, she screamed for eight minutes, and suddenly, it was SILENT. I was wide awake, and convinced that she probably had suffocated, but there was way I was going to risk checking on her, you know, in case she was alive and I woke her up. Luckily she lived. To calm myself down, I read the Honest Toddler‘s post; The Nap Window, and fell asleep chuckling. This whole thing would have been way cuter if she was an infant, but I’ve gotten used to my sleep, and if there is one thing that everyone that knows me is aware of, it is that YOU DO NOT MESS WITH MY SLEEP. Apparently my daughter has not gotten the message. Curse all those nights I stayed up with her, and made her think that I didn’t care about sleep.
2. I think that the reason for #1 is perhaps the fact that she took two looooong naps yesterday; one was three hours and the other two. Seriously, what the what? That is FIVE HOURS OF NAPPING. And, I mean, it seemed like a long time to nap, but haven’t you ever heard the saying about not waking a crying baby? You do not do it. Plus, it was like a party over here while she slept. I drank a cup of coffee without her yanking on my arm, I only had the dog circling me like a vulture while I was eating my banana bread, plus, and this almost makes everything last night worth it; I watched “Real Housewives of Beverly Hills,” and read a few chapters in my book. I’m sure today is going to be the complete opposite, and she will take two fifteen minute naps. Oh, well, hopefully she sleeps tonight.
3. This text conversation with my sister-in-law yesterday (don’t kill me for sharing this; this shit is funny):
SIL: OMG Big Angel’s (she meant Ang- dumb auto-correct) voice twin works at Kohl’s!!!
ME: Omg. We must go on a pilgrimage to your kohls ASAP.
SIL: She’s an older white lady… like totally NOT who you would think to sound like that
In case you don’t know who Big Ang is, take a look (and listen) to this. I was super disappointed that she didn’t actually look like Big Ang, because, well:
I mean… where do you even start? I guess the voice is enough to make a trip to Kohl’s, but if this beaut worked there? I would have sprinted down the highway to see that business. But, seriously, I am so confused about Big Ang. And a older white woman with her voice? My mind is boggled. What the what?
As you can see, I live a very serious, important life where I contemplate all the big issues; reality TV and sleep training being two very important topics to me (and obviously the survival of all mankind). Have a good (almost) Friday, and don’t forget to stop and say “what the what?”